Keep the Marriage Together
For people experiencing serious marital problems, it can be a struggle to try to keep the marriage together for the sake of the children. However, studies point out that children who grow up in a home with both of their biological parents rather than either a single parent home or a home that includes a step-parent are more likely to graduate from high school and less likely to end up in poverty or have a child out of wedlock. Children who live with both of their parents are also less prone to accidental injuries and behavioral problems.
A study conducted by Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur in 1994 found that 26% of single-parent families live in poverty as opposed to 5% of biological families and 9% of step-families. The poverty rate alone could be a major contributing factor to the differences experienced among the groups. Children in poor families are more likely to be left home unattended because the parents are unable to pay for adequate child care. This can result in children putting themselves in dangerous situations or getting into trouble in the neighborhood.
Although many parents feel that they can trust their children to be left home alone after they reach a certain age, it is often the older kids who get into trouble. Teenagers who spend a lot of time hanging out with their friends are more likely to become sexually active and experiment with drugs and alcohol. When parents are more involved in their children's lives, the incidence of these risky behaviors goes down. Kids who spend a lot of time with other teens who smoke, drink or are sexually active are more likely to adopt these behaviors themselves.
In addition, leaving teenagers home alone for a weekend or even just overnight can lead to unplanned parties. It usually starts when one teen slips up and tells a trusted friend that they will have the house to themselves. In no time at all, the word has spread and the teenager ends up with a houseful of "friends" who were neither invited nor expected.
For married couples who want to keep the marriage together for the sake of the children, it should be a joint decision agreed to by both spouses, and the couple should make an effort to be civil toward one another even if they cannot restore their marriage to its former health. If the couple is unable to keep from fighting constantly in front of the children, this can have a detrimental effect on the kids as well, especially if they blame themselves for the fighting.
Marriage counseling is recommended for spouses who want to keep the marriage together, even if they are not doing it to salvage their relationship. Counseling can help the couple learn how to live together peacefully, whether they ever regain the love they once had or not. Family counseling involving the children as well as the parents is also a good idea.